What is a Painful Sadness?
by ReflectionDetection
Summary: One-Shot. [Thor's POV] Thor is hurting over Loki, dead or not. He is beginning to question his hurt. Was his hurt just sadness? [Junk of an angst story, sorry.] [Very bad Summary, again sorry.]


_Hello! Reflection Detection here with just an author note._

_This is my first fanfiction so, getting the character's personality can be difficult._

_Let me know if you have found anything that is needed to be corrected._

_This is only a *OneShot; one-shot. _

_The Point of View[POV] Is of Thor's._

_I got this idea randomly so it doesn't make any sense, Ha-Ha, sorry._

_These thoughts come up during the Dark World, so pretty much after Thor and the Avengers._

_Rated T for safety, even one word in here could make it from K to T so, T is out of me not wanting to get in trouble. Ha-Ha._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Thor, Thor is credited to Marvel. I only own the Story._

* * *

I hurt.

It hurt.

To say that, he was angry at another being; a person, a friend, a sibling, or who ever he believed to be the cause of his anger. To put into words properly, He was lashing out at another person, could have even been persons, as a substitute to me.

I heard his anger through lies. His words could speak smoothly to me and I wouldn't think twice about their meanings. I would look past it all and just take it as the truth; because I had been naïve. You could even say that I am still naïve; I admit, even I think I'm still naïve.

I saw his anger through rash decisions, and abnormal behavior. To others he was always abnormal. In my eyes, I saw him as my brother and nothing more. How could I when I was never given the reason to question him? Why should you have to question your own brother, in the sense that you knew he was your brother. Even when he tells me I was never his brother; as if he just decided it right then and there, I could not wrap my head around it. How do you question it before he questions it?

He may have been angry, but he didn't take the anger out on the right persons. I was the one to be blamed for it. I should have been the one to receive each and every lash he unleashed. I had been on the end of his twisted words and flying fists to an extent. Yet, I never actually felt like he wanted to hurt me. But, maybe he did? I couldn't be sure with him. I wanted to trust him. To be sure of him. I had been, until I saw through the façade.

I _ache_ to know that I, myself, feel like I cannot trust my own brother. Why should you have be wary of something you've come to know as a your brother. Who is your brother, no words could change that idea.

Even if he told me he was angry at me I wouldn't believe it. Not because he was a lair; Because I could see the sadness in his eyes. Now that I knew and understood him, I could see passed it. Not through his trickery or word, not even his body language. Reading into his eyes I could feel and see that he was sad.

It hurt.

To say that, he was sad with me. When he should have been angry with me. I wanted him to be angry with me; rather than sad.

My heart would sink into the pits of despair and crumple into the carcass that it was, to see and feel his sadness. To be the reason for his sadness. If I wasn't who I was; claimed to be, I would have dropped to my knee's and spilled tears when I saw that sadness leaking towards me. Showing me that I was it's source of his sadness.

How could I not have seen his sadness before towards me? Why was he sad? I did not even realize it all, his shadow. I saw him, his entity, his body. What I did not see was the people around me ignoring him, acting as if he was not there; While I knew he was there. I hadn't notice his darkening, his dark cloud that hung over him. He was in a world were it always rained and people stayed inside. Stayed from him and his cloud. I was his opposite. The one who shone out and everyone wanted to be out in. To be with me.

I could I not see it? His sadness? I was told it was jealousy, anger, hatred. When none of those things were true. He was sad, and sick of being sad.

I ached.

I hurt.

I was in the absolute state of agony.

To say that, He was sad while I was there for him. Could have been there for him. Should have been there for him.

So when I saw him drop into the void and the last thing to see in his eyes towards me, was his sadness. Made my heart burst into emptiness; becoming its own black hole.

It hurt.

To say that, when I saw him again on Midgard; the place I swore to protect, and he was still sad-Broke me.

And he finally lashed at me in the most ghastly way.

He wanted to hurt me because of his sadness. He wanted to destroy the place I loved, the beings I loved; because he was sad.

He wanted to hurt me.

_If only he knew I was already hurt._

Hurting.

_Still_ hurting.

I may even_ forever_ hurt.

Even when we reached the point of getting him his Asgardian justice. I still saw his sadness. His sadness always lingering in his eyes when I am around.

Even when I decided to retrieve him and ask for his help and truth, during the period of such dark events.

His sadness was there.

And so was my hurt.

_Always hurting._

_Always sad._

Maybe I should mend it? Could I mend it? Is hurt _and_ sadness able to be fixed or even reversed?

Or just maybe I wasn't the right one for the job? Could that be it?

Maybe, that was the ache in my heart.

That was the reason I hurt. I knew I could not help my brother's sadness. . . Because. . .I was the reason for it. Just _existing_ made him sad.

What have _I_ done?

How could I hurt the very person I wanted to _protect_ and _care_ about?

Loki shouldn't feel sadness towards me. Not even anger. Loki was my younger brother, a child to me, children were to be _protected_. Loki should be able to find _comfort_ from me. I was supposed be there for him.

But I wasn't.

_I wasn't._

Am I any better then my parents, who _say_ they loved him? Who _said_ he was their son? Who _promised_ that he was born to be a king, such as I? Yet, when he died I saw something _lift_ from them? Can I even say they_ mourned_? Don't you mourn for something you were there _for_? We're there _with_? How could you mourn when spirits are being lifted? Was he a _burden_ to them?_ Lifting a burden isn't mourning_, They didn't mourn; Did they. . .

But I _mourned_, didn't I?

_Did I?_

Can I say I mourned? I didn't feel like anything was lifted. I felt like everything was lost; like my world crashed beneath my hearts weight. My heart was heavy enough to make me hurt. My heavy heart was the burden, Not Loki. Loki's sadness was my burden, my guilt, not Loki. Loki's death was my burden, my guilt, not Loki.

Loki's actions are what hurt me. Not Loki. I wish it were Loki. It should have been Loki. His anger could have been better then his sadness. Anger usually fades right? But does sadness fade, or does it always linger? Just sitting and waiting to lash out but never burn out like anger. Anger was like fire. It eventually fades or just burns out completely.

Sadness was more like water. Water can be angry and powerful; rushing through and destroying everything in its path without a second thought. Yet, even after that, it doesn't ever go away, does it. It just sits and then cycles back to angry again. Water never goes away. Even when we think we've rid ourselves of it; it lingers, it always there. It all around us.

This idea's that flow trough my head give my to much pain. What ends pain? Pain eventually fades or leaves all together, right? What about _eternal_ pain? Something that never goes away?

How do you heal an _eternal_ pain? Maybe the causer could fix it? Maybe numbness could make you forget?

Or maybe _nothing_ at all?

Maybe sadness was no better than pain, ache, angst, hurt, agony, suffering, throb, discomfort, distress. Maybe me and Loki weren't opposites after all? Maybe we both hurt? Maybe we both are sad?

What is a painful sadness? _Anguish_,_ Depression_, _grief_, _sorrow_, heart_break_, heart_ache_, _dejection_, or even dysphoria?

The Norns, _We_ were hurt.

We _both_ **HURT**.

* * *

_End_

_Okay, just had to write this to get out of my head._

_This is all fake, obviously._

_Thor probably doesn't think any of this._

_Or he does?_

_Ha-Ha, What do I know; I'm not Marvel! ;)_

_Reviews or just little comments, praise or whatever, is welcome! I would love to hear if you actually like this or not[even if people are reading this junk]. Thanks for reading!_

_:D_

_Bye, my Lovers ;)_


End file.
